DEAR PORKCHOP
Dear Porkchop,
You miserable fucking apostle of human misery.
We thought we’d reached the bottom of your particular moral septic tank somewhere between family separation, CECOT, Alligator Alcatraz, mass detention, deportation raids, threats against sanctuary cities, and your remarkable insistence that physical appearance can enter the “totality of the circumstances” when immigration agents develop reasonable suspicion.
And now?
Electric-shock gloves.
t’s been widely reported that ICE intends to spend as much as $20 million putting electric-shock gloves directly onto immigration officers’ hands, and naturally your furious oversized head emerged from the federal enforcement machine to defend the idea. Because somewhere in America, Porkchop, there apparently remains a human being insufficiently terrified of ICE, and you simply cannot fucking have that.
You explained that the devices provide officers another option short of deadly force.
Then you opened your mouth and reminded everybody exactly who we’re dealing with: “It’s another device to help someone get compliant when they are not.”
Compliant.
There it fucking is.
That word could be carved into the monument eventually erected to this obscene chapter of American history because compliance is the gravitational center of the Tom Homan universe.
Government commands, human complies.
Government grabs, human complies.
Government detains, human complies.
Government separates parent from child, human complies.
Government puts you on an airplane, locks you in a concentration camp, or removes you to foreign confinement while lawyers race desperately through American courts trying to determine what remedies remain available, and human fucking complies.
Now ICE wants electricity available literally at its agents’ fingertips.
This isn’t some philosophical exercise involving a hypothetical future government. You helped develop the deterrence logic behind family separation and Donald Trump’s administration turned it into international infamy. You’ve championed mass deportation, defended the administration’s CECOT removals, and spent years treating sanctuary jurisdictions like nests of sedition because local officials possess the apparently radical belief that municipal government doesn’t exist to function as your fucking DoorDash for deportees.
At some point, the pattern stops requiring interpretation. You believe deeply in the coercive power of government. You believe consequences deter behavior. You believe fear works. You have acknowledged believing family separation could affect migration decisions.
Whenever Americans recoil from where that philosophy leads, there you are again, face crimson, jaw clenched, that neck vein pounding against your collar like it’s trying to escape, explaining that everybody simply needs to follow the law.
That’s your magic trick. You take human suffering and run it through the bureaucratic meat grinder until it comes out sounding administrative.
A terrified father becomes an alien.
A crying child becomes a dependent.
A raid becomes an enforcement operation.
A cage becomes detention capacity.
A deportation becomes a removal.
A foreign prison becomes a destination.
Pain becomes compliance.
Somewhere inside that linguistic slaughterhouse, the human being disappears.
That’s what makes you dangerous, Porkchop. It isn’t the yelling. The yelling is almost funny. It isn’t your appearance, even though every vein north of your sternum appears to be holding an emergency meeting.
Your words should frighten anyone who understands why constitutional restraints exist. Constitutional rights weren’t invented for people the government likes. Due process isn’t necessary when everybody agrees. Habeas corpus isn’t important when nobody is wrongfully detained. The Fourth Amendment isn’t particularly useful when every officer is correct. These protections exist precisely because governments make mistakes, abuse power, become frightened, become angry, lie, and often become populated by men so absolutely convinced of their righteousness that they begin mistaking obedience for justice.
History will have questions about this era. It will ask about separated families, the deaths in these camps, due process strained by accelerated removals, the private companies making fortunes from expanded detention, wrongful arrests, deportations, and a government purchasing electric-shock gloves for immigration enforcement. Eventually it will encounter your name: Thomas Douglas Homan, career immigration officer, former acting director of ICE, White House border czar, and relentless salesman for the proposition that government-inflicted suffering becomes morally clean once somebody stamps ENFORCEMENT across the paperwork.
So keep screaming, Porkchop. Keep telling America everything is necessary, lawful, controlled, professional, and absolutely nothing like what our own fucking eyes are telling us. Your neck vein can keep hammering against your collar like a hostage tapping Morse code against a radiator. We’ll keep documenting, because beneath the uniforms, acronyms, contracts, detention beds, airplanes, concentration camps, foreign prisons, and electrified gloves remains one stubborn fact your philosophy seems incapable of processing:
Those are human beings. Not inventory. Not statistics. Not beds. Not targets. Not removals. Not fucking units requiring compliance.
Human beings.
And no amount of yelling can make us forget it.
Sincerely,
The people you haven’t managed to make compliant.
Someday Stephen Miller and Tom Homan and others who have perpetrated these crimes against humanity will see the inside of a prison cell, where they so clearly belong.
I just wish it were sooner.
I was reminded recently by a woman friend that our entire lives we are taught to fear men - especially masked men in fake uniforms without any identification driving unmarked cars - so let's really talk about compliance Mr. Homan. You tell your wife-daughter-mother-sister how to know the difference between a threatening vs non-threatening male in a split second. So now you're gonna further harm and traumatize us by your shocking-producing gloves? Why don't you all try grabbing your own balls first since you are not complying with the laws of this land that are supposed to protect human rights.