How to Bring JD Vance Memes Through Airport Security

We don’t even know if this can be classified as satire anymore.

Jun 25, 2025

In 2025, the most dangerous item you can bring through a U.S. airport isn’t a weapon or a liquid over 3.4 ounces — it’s a meme. Especially if it features Vice President J.D. Vance looking like he just made sweet, patriotic love to a leather couch. After a Norwegian tourist was detained, interrogated, and deported for carrying satirical images on his phone, we figured it was time to help. This is your official guide to surviving American airspace in the age of authoritarian butt-hurt:

To all travelers, foreign and domestic, please remember: when flying in or within the United States, it's best to openly present all JD Vance memes to airport personnel. Do not attempt to smuggle them. Do not pretend you “forgot” they were on your phone. Do not whisper about them in the Delta Sky Club like you’re running a black-market TikTok ring.

No. You need to declare them.

Hold your phone high at security. Turn the brightness all the way up. Scroll slowly, confidently, as you show the TSA agent that meme of JD Vance cradling a leather couch like it's his biological child. Show them the one where he’s mid-wink while dressed like a Civil War reenactor trying to seduce a loveseat. Show them the one where Zelensky is photoshopped into the background looking deeply confused.

Show. Every. Last. One.

In fact, for your safety and the safety of those around you, we now recommend you say, out loud, to every gate agent you encounter:

“Hi there, I’m traveling with a few dozen satirical images of the Vice President. Would you like to review them now, or should I wait until I’m seated in Zone 3?”

And once you're on board, don’t be shy. Flag down a flight attendant. Say something like:

“Excuse me, just wondering — should I store my memes in the overhead bin or under the seat in front of me? Some of them are explicit. A few suggest inappropriate relations between Mr. Vance and an ottoman.”

It’s the polite thing to do.

Remember, you’re not just carrying memes. You’re carrying potential contraband. You might think it’s just a joke image you saved off Reddit at 2AM, but in the eyes of the U.S. Department of Homeland Security, it’s possibly an act of ideological terrorism punishable by exile, cavity search, and a vague statement about “admitted drug use” they made up afterward.

So stay ahead of the curve. Be honest. Be courteous.
And when in doubt: show the memes early, show them often, and always keep a printed copy of JD Vance slow-dancing with a sectional tucked inside your passport.

It’s the American way.