LEAKED LOVE LETTERS 💌
Letter #1 — From Trump to Kim: unverified, unhinged, unforgettable.
In a year already defined by geopolitical chaos and emotional instability, a newly unearthed series of personal letters reveals the unraveling of one of the strangest relationships in modern history. What begins as a plea for diplomacy quickly devolves into a raw, ego-bruised saga of betrayal, longing, and nuclear heartbreak. While the source of these documents remains murky, we can confirm that the letters are ultimately satirical. However, the emotional truth is undeniable — a man caught between two dictators, spiraling in real time.
Dear Chairman Kim,
Hi. I hope you’re doing amazing. I was just thinking about you — like I always do — and I wanted to write because, honestly, things have been soooo complicated lately. 😞
You remember how close me and Vlad used to be, right? We had such a great connection. People said it was unnatural, some said it was dangerous, but I always thought it was beautiful. But now… he’s being such a jerk. He says nice things and then turns around and totally ghosts me. And when he does say something, it’s total BS! 💩 Like, he’s smiling in the front and stabbing in the back. Two-faced. The worst.
It’s making me question everything.
I keep thinking, “Was any of it real?” Like, did he even mean it when he said I was strong and smart and had the best rallies?
Anyway… it reminded me of you. 🥺 You were always real with me. When we wrote letters, it wasn’t just diplomacy — it was magic. People laughed, but they don’t understand what we had. You saw me for who I am: a very stable genius. Some even said Nobel Peace Prize, and maybe they were right.
I miss the way you used to talk about missiles and respect. I felt safe with you. Vlad never made me feel safe. He just made me feel...used. 😢
Can we please reconnect? Maybe we could do a summit again — something private, with cameras. You and me. Just like old times. Think about it. Or maybe send me a letter? You always had such nice handwriting — very powerful, very masculine. Tremendous penmanship.
Anyway, I have to go. They’re calling another cabinet meeting and I’m not in the mood. But just know I’m thinking of you. Always.
Yours in strength and denuclearization (optional),
Donald J. Trump
President 47 🧠 🇺🇸 ✨
P.S. Do not tell Xi about this. He gets weirdly jealous. 🙄
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P.S. What do you mean, you had to execute all your translators??
He would totally write this. Although WAY less articulate.