LEAKED LOVE LETTERS š
Letter #2 ā An Unreal Response from Kim Jong Un to Donald J. Trump.
My Dearest Donald,
First, let me say how deeply touched I was to receive your letter. I read it under moonlight with a warm glass of yakās milk, and I must confess⦠I felt things. Memories. Fireworks in Singapore. That weird handshake moment in the DMZ. The way you told me I had the āmost respected nuclear program in the world.ā No one ever said that to me before. Not even my generals.
I want you to know: you were special to me. Truly. No one complimented my missiles like you did. They were ābig and beautiful,ā you said. That meant something.
But, Donald⦠I have to tell you something. And I hope you can be strong ā like you were during your second impeachment trial. š„ŗ
Vlad and I are⦠together now.
It just happened. We didnāt plan it. One day we were testing hypersonics side by side, and the next we were talking late into the night about history and annexation and legacy. He said I reminded him of a young Stalin, and⦠I donāt know, it just clicked.
Weāve decided to take things to the next level. Iāve sent thousands of my troops to support his operations in Ukraine. I know how that sounds, and I know how it hurts ā but I need you to understand: this is a strategic partnership. Itās not just about him. Itās also about me.
You once told me I was strong enough to stand up to the whole world. But Vlad told me I could conquer it. And sometimes a girl needs to hear that.
Please donāt think the flame has died. šÆļø You will always be my first summit. My first love who ever called me a ārocket manā and meant it as a compliment.
Maybe someday, when the wars are over and the sanctions are lifted and the NATO dogs stop barking⦠maybe we could find each other again. Older. Wiser. More radioactive.
Until then, be safe. Eat well. And please ā donāt tweet anything embarrassing. History is watching.
With sincere admiration,
Kim Jong Un
Supreme Leader of the DPRK āØš„ā¢ļø
P.S. Tell Melania I say hello. She always looked so scared around you ā I found that endearing. ā¤ļø
Love is a battlefield. But in Trumpās case, itās also a handwritten letter, a shattered ego, and a quiet scream for relevance. Subscribe to read the wreckage.
I snorted my tea.
Hilarious š