If love is being weaponized to control you, erase you, shame you, or silence you—it’s not love. It’s spiritual blackmail. It’s emotional colonization. It’s a parasite dressed in virtue. And if you refuse to name that, you’re not protecting love. You’re collaborating with its hijackers.
Let’s get something straight. Love doesn’t mean letting people hurt you. Love doesn’t mean forgiving monsters while the blood is still fresh. Love doesn’t mean inviting abusers back to the table because “everyone deserves grace.” We’ve been fed a version of “love” so hollow, so gutless, that it collapses under the weight of real violence. We’ve been told that love means civility in the face of cruelty. We’ve been told that to love our enemies means to let them sharpen their knives while we hold the door open. That is not love. That is surrender dressed up as sanctimony.
Sometimes love fights back. Sometimes love throws punches. Sometimes love smashes glass. Sometimes love pulls a child behind them and says not today, motherfucker. And yes—sometimes love kills. That’s not bloodlust. That’s not vengeance. That is the kind of love that says: “I will do whatever it takes to protect the people I love from the people trying to destroy them.” Not everyone has the stomach to say that out loud. Not everyone should have to. But if you’ve ever stood between danger and someone who couldn’t defend themselves—you know. Love is not always soft. Love is not always kind. Love is not always civil. Because love that refuses to protect what it claims to cherish isn’t love at all.
The people who stopped the Nazis didn’t just ‘love.’ They resisted. They broke rules. They picked up weapons. They lied, smuggled, forged, fought, and killed when there was no other option. They loved fiercely, desperately, with a kind of holy violence that said: “I will not let the world be ruled by monsters—not without a fight.” That is love. And if you can’t see that, it’s probably because the version of love you were handed was edited, censored, sterilized, and baptized in cowardice.
Love is a boundary. Love is a sword. Love is not a suicide pact. If your version of love demands you stay silent while people are erased, abused, or legislated out of existence—your version is broken. If your version of love recoils at the idea of fighting back—you have never seen what survival costs. Love doesn’t always look like holding hands. Sometimes it looks like holding the fucking line. And no, we’re not glorifying violence. We are acknowledging reality.
Because if love is the reason you showed up—if love is the reason you’re still standing—if love is the only thing keeping you from becoming what you hate—then don’t you dare let anyone use it against you.
Protect it. Defend it. And if you must—fight for it. Because love doesn’t always whisper. Sometimes, love roars.
Yes yes YES. Love is the most powerful force in the universe. We would be reckless to abandon it now when we need it most.
They will twist the words of the bible into weapons of hatred. We must dawn the cloak of love and embrace truth, justice, compassion. Turning the other cheek doesn't mean abandoning principles. It means acting with compassion instead of vengeance. It means refusing to be of a world entrenched in violence. And yes, it means flipping those tables when those who pretend to honor what is sacred instead pervert it for their own material gains.
This is just what I needed to read today. It's a hard "homework" assignment, but it is crucial to the survival of our country's soul and very existence. Thank you for the challenge.
Yes. This is the lesson needed. <3 To open your OTHER eye. One for strength, & one for love. Yin & yang, actually .
This is what you, and we all in the west, need to learn/teach by practicing, show dont tell, to keep balance without always having to have an Enemy to fight
.
The enemy is within. Always.
And sometimes without too, but in that case he needs to learn this too. That must always be the goal.
Beautifully written! I agree wholeheartedly. Love should always be our main goal for humanity and as my mentor from my cultural studies says, we always need to love unconditionally, but we do not need to take on their processes. A big step is loving ourselves first, which many in this chaos do not have, which makes it hard for them to love humanity.
I had what felt like an extraordinary experience when I was in Tennessee. A young friend who had grown up marinated in conservative Christianity had reposted some verses on fb that were to represent an anti-trans viewpoint.
I asked her out to talk over a meal and explained how messages like that are why trans kids kill themselves—if the world says I’m that abhorrent, then why live? All those messages from society adding up to tell them they’re worthless.
She hadn’t even thought about the impact of her post on the trans population. Of course not! She’d been fed the right wing lies.
A seed was planted—I can’t know how much it grew, but the shock on her face of seeing someone she had othered as simply another person the Creator loved spoke loudly.
Do you know, I have scoured my soul searching for the love of Them, but it’s just not there. Hate is not there either, but the best I can come up with is sympathy - on a good day. I cannot forget the endangerment put on the weak, the young, the elderly during covid and the pain felt by the loss of the truly loved. Their joy in the acts of harassment, or cruel punishment of those considered the Other - those considered foreign, or whose melanin is different, or those whose love of each other is thought to be disgusting. I really cannot love those who kill through hate. I am sorry to have failed to reach the shining examples of the writer and others here, but the best I can promise is not to hate and hope that democracy around the world will survive the fascism that is threatening to overwhelm us.
I dont think you need more than sympathy. Use a good day to use that sympathy to understand them.
Thats what you need to defeat the force that they are, right now.
Driven by the love of yourself and your beloved.
That is basically what I do.
And the most important to realise i think is this - they are still in shock and fight or flight mode, after having been put there by the MASSIVE internet infotech revolution, changing EVERYTHING, now even the democratic party, possiibly.
It came in the form of the utter surprise of Obamas crushing victory, since he was the first president who understood internet campaining - but obviously not that it must be used in an open and transparent way. So in a absurd way team Trump are the first ones moving in the open, and inviting everyone to join, even though they are totally open with their machiavellism! :o
They had checked out from politics, since they NEVER thought that the things Obama did could be done.
So the tea party/MAGA is not chiefly/only a conservative movement, its a reactionary one. Resisting change.
I recognize the reactions form trying to make unannounces changes in computer systems that everybody needs, and few understands. :p
It tales a LOT of accepting and listening first before they get out from the shock and can start listening to ANYTHING you say again its not possible, their amygdala prevents understanding.
Can we please ask you some questions? Since you're a therapist?
Why is it that some people are disagreeing? Is it because people have their own deep feelings about what love is and what it isn't and those definitions differ from our own? We aren't saying anybody is wrong or right. Everybody's feelings are valid. We are interested in your opinion.
Thank you for sharing it with the people you think it well help benefit. If it helps just one person, it will have been worth writing it.
There could be many reasons why people disagree and you have identified one of them for sure. To take your idea (about people's ideas & definitions of love) a step further, I want to say that many people treat love as though it is a precious, personal resource that is FINITE. This would be a largely subconscious belief. Connected to that idea is that only certain people in one's life deserve to receive any of their reserves. And therefore, giving love - if there is a finite amount available- must be given conditionally. In many cases, if there is complexity in a relationship, black & white thinking or judgement may mean love must be withheld, withdrawn or replaced with an equally strong but negative emotion.
So a broader perspective on what love is or what it means or who is worthy of a share opens up if we decide that as much love as we could ever want or need can be generated from within and showered around in all different contexts. We can choose to love with bravery and not ever feel as though we are losing something or wasting it.
I liked how you qualified the idea of loving (those who cause us pain) by explaining that it doesn't mean allowing ourselves to tolerate disrespect.
Ah...the true and real guiding principles of Christ's followers. They wouldn't know it if it knocked them over the head. Thank you for this post. We cannot stoop down to their level and embrace hatred. Thanks for the reminder.
I think this is my favorite thing you’ve written and I’m so glad I got to read it myself instead of having Substack read it to me. Goodness it was validating to read what you wrote about loving from a distance and how it’s necessary sometimes but also so difficult.
If love is being weaponized to control you, erase you, shame you, or silence you—it’s not love. It’s spiritual blackmail. It’s emotional colonization. It’s a parasite dressed in virtue. And if you refuse to name that, you’re not protecting love. You’re collaborating with its hijackers.
Let’s get something straight. Love doesn’t mean letting people hurt you. Love doesn’t mean forgiving monsters while the blood is still fresh. Love doesn’t mean inviting abusers back to the table because “everyone deserves grace.” We’ve been fed a version of “love” so hollow, so gutless, that it collapses under the weight of real violence. We’ve been told that love means civility in the face of cruelty. We’ve been told that to love our enemies means to let them sharpen their knives while we hold the door open. That is not love. That is surrender dressed up as sanctimony.
Sometimes love fights back. Sometimes love throws punches. Sometimes love smashes glass. Sometimes love pulls a child behind them and says not today, motherfucker. And yes—sometimes love kills. That’s not bloodlust. That’s not vengeance. That is the kind of love that says: “I will do whatever it takes to protect the people I love from the people trying to destroy them.” Not everyone has the stomach to say that out loud. Not everyone should have to. But if you’ve ever stood between danger and someone who couldn’t defend themselves—you know. Love is not always soft. Love is not always kind. Love is not always civil. Because love that refuses to protect what it claims to cherish isn’t love at all.
The people who stopped the Nazis didn’t just ‘love.’ They resisted. They broke rules. They picked up weapons. They lied, smuggled, forged, fought, and killed when there was no other option. They loved fiercely, desperately, with a kind of holy violence that said: “I will not let the world be ruled by monsters—not without a fight.” That is love. And if you can’t see that, it’s probably because the version of love you were handed was edited, censored, sterilized, and baptized in cowardice.
Love is a boundary. Love is a sword. Love is not a suicide pact. If your version of love demands you stay silent while people are erased, abused, or legislated out of existence—your version is broken. If your version of love recoils at the idea of fighting back—you have never seen what survival costs. Love doesn’t always look like holding hands. Sometimes it looks like holding the fucking line. And no, we’re not glorifying violence. We are acknowledging reality.
Because if love is the reason you showed up—if love is the reason you’re still standing—if love is the only thing keeping you from becoming what you hate—then don’t you dare let anyone use it against you.
Protect it. Defend it. And if you must—fight for it. Because love doesn’t always whisper. Sometimes, love roars.
Yes yes YES. Love is the most powerful force in the universe. We would be reckless to abandon it now when we need it most.
They will twist the words of the bible into weapons of hatred. We must dawn the cloak of love and embrace truth, justice, compassion. Turning the other cheek doesn't mean abandoning principles. It means acting with compassion instead of vengeance. It means refusing to be of a world entrenched in violence. And yes, it means flipping those tables when those who pretend to honor what is sacred instead pervert it for their own material gains.
This resonates and hits VERY close to home. Thank you for putting my journey and the journey of many others into words
I see this as powerful and aspirational and wow I envy but I’m not there yet
<3 The sorrow takes its time. Let it.
This is just what I needed to read today. It's a hard "homework" assignment, but it is crucial to the survival of our country's soul and very existence. Thank you for the challenge.
Yes. This is the lesson needed. <3 To open your OTHER eye. One for strength, & one for love. Yin & yang, actually .
This is what you, and we all in the west, need to learn/teach by practicing, show dont tell, to keep balance without always having to have an Enemy to fight
.
The enemy is within. Always.
And sometimes without too, but in that case he needs to learn this too. That must always be the goal.
Right? :) <3
Beautifully written! I agree wholeheartedly. Love should always be our main goal for humanity and as my mentor from my cultural studies says, we always need to love unconditionally, but we do not need to take on their processes. A big step is loving ourselves first, which many in this chaos do not have, which makes it hard for them to love humanity.
I had what felt like an extraordinary experience when I was in Tennessee. A young friend who had grown up marinated in conservative Christianity had reposted some verses on fb that were to represent an anti-trans viewpoint.
I asked her out to talk over a meal and explained how messages like that are why trans kids kill themselves—if the world says I’m that abhorrent, then why live? All those messages from society adding up to tell them they’re worthless.
She hadn’t even thought about the impact of her post on the trans population. Of course not! She’d been fed the right wing lies.
A seed was planted—I can’t know how much it grew, but the shock on her face of seeing someone she had othered as simply another person the Creator loved spoke loudly.
Sadly it doesn’t always turn out that way.
Amen 💯
Do you know, I have scoured my soul searching for the love of Them, but it’s just not there. Hate is not there either, but the best I can come up with is sympathy - on a good day. I cannot forget the endangerment put on the weak, the young, the elderly during covid and the pain felt by the loss of the truly loved. Their joy in the acts of harassment, or cruel punishment of those considered the Other - those considered foreign, or whose melanin is different, or those whose love of each other is thought to be disgusting. I really cannot love those who kill through hate. I am sorry to have failed to reach the shining examples of the writer and others here, but the best I can promise is not to hate and hope that democracy around the world will survive the fascism that is threatening to overwhelm us.
I dont think you need more than sympathy. Use a good day to use that sympathy to understand them.
Thats what you need to defeat the force that they are, right now.
Driven by the love of yourself and your beloved.
That is basically what I do.
And the most important to realise i think is this - they are still in shock and fight or flight mode, after having been put there by the MASSIVE internet infotech revolution, changing EVERYTHING, now even the democratic party, possiibly.
It came in the form of the utter surprise of Obamas crushing victory, since he was the first president who understood internet campaining - but obviously not that it must be used in an open and transparent way. So in a absurd way team Trump are the first ones moving in the open, and inviting everyone to join, even though they are totally open with their machiavellism! :o
They had checked out from politics, since they NEVER thought that the things Obama did could be done.
So the tea party/MAGA is not chiefly/only a conservative movement, its a reactionary one. Resisting change.
I recognize the reactions form trying to make unannounces changes in computer systems that everybody needs, and few understands. :p
It tales a LOT of accepting and listening first before they get out from the shock and can start listening to ANYTHING you say again its not possible, their amygdala prevents understanding.
I'm a therapist. A number of my clients will benefit after they read this. I appreciate it.
Can we please ask you some questions? Since you're a therapist?
Why is it that some people are disagreeing? Is it because people have their own deep feelings about what love is and what it isn't and those definitions differ from our own? We aren't saying anybody is wrong or right. Everybody's feelings are valid. We are interested in your opinion.
Thank you for sharing it with the people you think it well help benefit. If it helps just one person, it will have been worth writing it.
I'm flattered that you're asking me this.
There could be many reasons why people disagree and you have identified one of them for sure. To take your idea (about people's ideas & definitions of love) a step further, I want to say that many people treat love as though it is a precious, personal resource that is FINITE. This would be a largely subconscious belief. Connected to that idea is that only certain people in one's life deserve to receive any of their reserves. And therefore, giving love - if there is a finite amount available- must be given conditionally. In many cases, if there is complexity in a relationship, black & white thinking or judgement may mean love must be withheld, withdrawn or replaced with an equally strong but negative emotion.
So a broader perspective on what love is or what it means or who is worthy of a share opens up if we decide that as much love as we could ever want or need can be generated from within and showered around in all different contexts. We can choose to love with bravery and not ever feel as though we are losing something or wasting it.
I liked how you qualified the idea of loving (those who cause us pain) by explaining that it doesn't mean allowing ourselves to tolerate disrespect.
I could write more but I need to eat.
Ah...the true and real guiding principles of Christ's followers. They wouldn't know it if it knocked them over the head. Thank you for this post. We cannot stoop down to their level and embrace hatred. Thanks for the reminder.
I have to take some deep breaths. So powerful. Beautiful.
Powerful! You're a beautiful, talented, captivating writer! Thank you!
This is perhaps the best response I have read since Mayor Carter’s April 5 rally speech! Thank you!
Don't mind me. I'm just sitting at work trying not to cry after reading this.
I think this is my favorite thing you’ve written and I’m so glad I got to read it myself instead of having Substack read it to me. Goodness it was validating to read what you wrote about loving from a distance and how it’s necessary sometimes but also so difficult.