Wonderful! Considering that the Washington Monument, the most phallic symbol of all, stands erect at the head of the mall, they ought not to mind a mass of floating ones in the pool. And whatever size you choose, yours will undoubtedly be larger, and more erect, than the one belonging to the phallocentrist in the White House.
Oh myyyyyy! Your letter to the NPS has certainly inflated my interest, Rook! It was like titillating foreplay, building my excitement for the climactic finale! I breathlessly await photos and commentary of this most satisfying act!
Well, I am a retired federal district and park archaeologist who worked for both the US Forest Service and the National Park Service for over 25 years so I'll share my opinion based on years of working on the compliance part of federal event permits. Anyone who knows the system better, is free to correct me.
III. Formal Questions for Advisory Opinion
We respectfully request written answers to the following questions. We have attempted to order them from least to most awkward, and largely failed.
What constitutes an “erection” under 36 CFR 7.96, and is that definition applied uniformly regardless of the object’s material composition, orientation, or buoyancy?
(Answer) What is considered to be a temporary "erected" feature is as varied as the imaginations that go into filling out the permit application. I've seen everything from stages to tents to podiums to small structures. I have also seen small weather stations installed by parks themselves and labeled "temporary " even though everyone knew they weren't going to be removed. It is usually something that is easy to put up and take down, without any kind of foundation.
Does size matter? Specifically: is there a minimum or maximum dimension for objects introduced temporarily into the Reflecting Pool, and does the agency’s answer change based on whether the objects are floating vertically or horizontally?
(Answer) Sizes also vary depending on what is being used. I've seen multi room tents and pretty large stages.
Is there a regulatory maximum number of floating objects permitted in the Reflecting Pool simultaneously, and does the answer change if the objects are deployed in formation?
(Answer) This is a new one for me. I know at events with boats the number allowed is usually defined but for something as small as what you are proposing it is probably up to whoever is reviewing the permit request to say. All you can do is propose the number you want to use and see if it is approved. I know for other events on the Mall people have used quite large numbers of things to provide visuals.
At what point does a collection of floating objects achieve sufficient mass or visual impact to constitute a “demonstration” for permit purposes — and is that threshold measured by number, surface area, or the subjective reaction of onlookers?
(Answer) Again the number would probably vary, depending on what is being used and the total area being covered.
If 1,776 objects are deployed in honor of the nation’s founding year, does the patriotic significance of the number constitute a legally relevant mitigating factor in any enforcement action, or does the agency take the position that the founders would have wanted fewer?
(Answer) Again it probably would depend on the the person reviewing the permit application. So long as the intent is to remove the items the numbers used are probably open for interpretation.
Is there a specific regulation prohibiting objects shaped like human genitalia on NPS land, or must such a prohibition name the shape explicitly to be enforceable? We ask because vagueness doctrine cuts both ways.
(Answer) This becomes more challenging based on whether the objects are viewed as lewd or inappropriate. Based on what the person reviewing the application thinks, it might get denied.
The objects will bear written political messages. At what point does a message-bearing phallus become protected political speech, and does the medium affect the constitutional analysis, or merely the comfort level of those conducting it?
(Answer) The message might be viewed as protected political speech while the way it is delivered is viewed as inappropriate.
We plan to retrieve all objects upon completion. Does the thoroughness of our extraction procedure have any bearing on the agency’s enforcement posture? We intend to be very thorough.
(Answer) People receiving a permit are expected to clean up after themselves and the area would be inspected to make sure they complied. If they don't clean up right they can be fined or made to do it correctly.
If a permitted demonstration is occurring simultaneously elsewhere on the Mall and a member of that demonstration walks over and observes ours, have the two demonstrations merged? And if so, who is responsible for the resulting entity?
(Answer) I believe the permit application asks for an estimated number of people attending. That doesn't mean that others can't wander in and check out what was going on. It usually happens.
If the activity draws a crowd of onlookers who are not participants, does their presence count toward the 25-person threshold — and if an onlooker begins laughing, have they joined the demonstration?
(Answer) This I'm not sure about.
If objects bearing the text of the First Amendment float within sight of the Lincoln Memorial, does the Memorial’s historical significance as a site of protest affect the constitutional weight of the activity? We ask in the spirit of thematic coherence.
(Answer) No. The event proposed would not and does not affect the cultural significance of the Lincoln Memorial. Your proposed activity would be a form of protest and fits in with the character of the site.
If one of our objects is confiscated as evidence, are there chain-of-custody requirements that govern how it must be handled, stored, and ultimately disposed of?
(Answer) Yes Park police follow the standard chain of custody process.
If a participant is also a credentialed member of the press documenting the activity for publication, do their press rights provide additional protection — or does the First Amendment simply apply twice in that instance?
(Answer) Based on my understanding, and I could be wrong, the event and the press are or should be treated as separate entities.
Is the NPS prepared to provide a written advisory opinion on this proposed activity prior to July 4, 2026? If not, will the agency provide its declination in writing, and does a failure to respond constitute implicit acknowledgment that no applicable prohibition exists?
(Answer) Considering the short space of time, the Permit person may not have time to respond, but you need to contact them right away to find out if the space is already reserved and ask if they can respond back to you in the short amount of time you have.
Does the NPS wish to be credited by name in the resulting coverage, or would the agency prefer attribution to “a federal permits specialist who read the whole thing twice and still wasn’t sure what to do”?
(Answer) There is probably standard language they use for events on the Mall.
Well, I am a retired federal district and park archaeologist who worked for both the US Forest Service and the National Park Service for over 25 years so I'll share my opinion based on years of working on the compliance part of federal event permits. Anyone who knows the system better, is free to correct me.
III. Formal Questions for Advisory Opinion
We respectfully request written answers to the following questions. We have attempted to order them from least to most awkward, and largely failed.
What constitutes an “erection” under 36 CFR 7.96, and is that definition applied uniformly regardless of the object’s material composition, orientation, or buoyancy?
(Answer) What is considered to be a temporary "erected" feature is as varied as the imaginations that go into filling out the permit application. I've seen everything from stages to tents to podiums to small structures. I have also seen small weather stations installed by parks themselves and labeled "temporary " even though everyone knew they weren't going to be removed. It is usually something that is easy to put up and take down, without any kind of foundation.
Does size matter? Specifically: is there a minimum or maximum dimension for objects introduced temporarily into the Reflecting Pool, and does the agency’s answer change based on whether the objects are floating vertically or horizontally?
(Answer) Sizes also vary depending on what is being used. I've seen multi room tents and pretty large stages.
Is there a regulatory maximum number of floating objects permitted in the Reflecting Pool simultaneously, and does the answer change if the objects are deployed in formation?
(Answer) This is a new one for me. I know at events with boats the number allowed is usually defined but for something as small as what you are proposing it is probably up to whoever is reviewing the permit request to say. All you can do is propose the number you want to use and see if it is approved. I know for other events on the Mall people have used quite large numbers of things to provide visuals.
At what point does a collection of floating objects achieve sufficient mass or visual impact to constitute a “demonstration” for permit purposes — and is that threshold measured by number, surface area, or the subjective reaction of onlookers?
(Answer) Again the number would probably vary, depending on what is being used and the total area being covered.
If 1,776 objects are deployed in honor of the nation’s founding year, does the patriotic significance of the number constitute a legally relevant mitigating factor in any enforcement action, or does the agency take the position that the founders would have wanted fewer?
(Answer) Again it probably would depend on the the person reviewing the permit application. So long as the intent is to remove the items the numbers used are probably open for interpretation.
Is there a specific regulation prohibiting objects shaped like human genitalia on NPS land, or must such a prohibition name the shape explicitly to be enforceable? We ask because vagueness doctrine cuts both ways.
(Answer) This becomes more challenging based on whether the objects are viewed as lewd or inappropriate. Based on what the person reviewing the application thinks, it might get denied.
The objects will bear written political messages. At what point does a message-bearing phallus become protected political speech, and does the medium affect the constitutional analysis, or merely the comfort level of those conducting it?
(Answer) The message might be viewed as protected political speech while the way it is delivered is viewed as inappropriate.
We plan to retrieve all objects upon completion. Does the thoroughness of our extraction procedure have any bearing on the agency’s enforcement posture? We intend to be very thorough.
(Answer) People receiving a permit are expected to clean up after themselves and the area would be inspected to make sure they complied. If they don't clean up right they can be fined or made to do it correctly.
If a permitted demonstration is occurring simultaneously elsewhere on the Mall and a member of that demonstration walks over and observes ours, have the two demonstrations merged? And if so, who is responsible for the resulting entity?
(Answer) I believe the permit application asks for an estimated number of people attending. That doesn't mean that others can't wander in and check out what was going on. It usually happens.
If the activity draws a crowd of onlookers who are not participants, does their presence count toward the 25-person threshold — and if an onlooker begins laughing, have they joined the demonstration?
(Answer) This I'm not sure about.
If objects bearing the text of the First Amendment float within sight of the Lincoln Memorial, does the Memorial’s historical significance as a site of protest affect the constitutional weight of the activity? We ask in the spirit of thematic coherence.
(Answer) No. The event proposed would not and does not affect the cultural significance of the Lincoln Memorial. Your proposed activity would be a form of protest and fits in with the character of the site.
If one of our objects is confiscated as evidence, are there chain-of-custody requirements that govern how it must be handled, stored, and ultimately disposed of?
(Answer) Yes Park police follow the standard chain of custody process.
If a participant is also a credentialed member of the press documenting the activity for publication, do their press rights provide additional protection — or does the First Amendment simply apply twice in that instance?
(Answer) Based on my understanding, and I could be wrong, the event and the press are or should be treated as separate entities.
Is the NPS prepared to provide a written advisory opinion on this proposed activity prior to July 4, 2026? If not, will the agency provide its declination in writing, and does a failure to respond constitute implicit acknowledgment that no applicable prohibition exists?
(Answer) Considering the short space of time, the Permit person may not have time to respond, but you need to contact them right away to find out if the space is already reserved and ask if they can respond back to you in the short amount of time you have.
Does the NPS wish to be credited by name in the resulting coverage, or would the agency prefer attribution to “a federal permits specialist who read the whole thing twice and still wasn’t sure what to do”?
(Answer) There is probably standard language they use for events on the Mall.
When the country is being run by a bunch of giant, impotent, and prematurely ejaculating dicks with over-inflated heads, I think this is a very reasonable way to respond.
Well, I am a retired federal district and park archaeologist who worked for both the US Forest Service and the National Park Service for over 25 years so I'll share my opinion based on years of working on the compliance part of federal event permits. Anyone who knows the system better, is free to correct me.
III. Formal Questions for Advisory Opinion
We respectfully request written answers to the following questions. We have attempted to order them from least to most awkward, and largely failed.
What constitutes an “erection” under 36 CFR 7.96, and is that definition applied uniformly regardless of the object’s material composition, orientation, or buoyancy?
(Answer) What is considered to be a temporary "erected" feature is as varied as the imaginations that go into filling out the permit application. I've seen everything from stages to tents to podiums to small structures. I have also seen small weather stations installed by parks themselves and labeled "temporary " even though everyone knew they weren't going to be removed. It is usually something that is easy to put up and take down, without any kind of foundation.
Does size matter? Specifically: is there a minimum or maximum dimension for objects introduced temporarily into the Reflecting Pool, and does the agency’s answer change based on whether the objects are floating vertically or horizontally?
(Answer) Sizes also vary depending on what is being used. I've seen multi room tents and pretty large stages.
Is there a regulatory maximum number of floating objects permitted in the Reflecting Pool simultaneously, and does the answer change if the objects are deployed in formation?
(Answer) This is a new one for me. I know at events with boats the number allowed is usually defined but for something as small as what you are proposing it is probably up to whoever is reviewing the permit request to say. All you can do is propose the number you want to use and see if it is approved. I know for other events on the Mall people have used quite large numbers of things to provide visuals.
At what point does a collection of floating objects achieve sufficient mass or visual impact to constitute a “demonstration” for permit purposes — and is that threshold measured by number, surface area, or the subjective reaction of onlookers?
(Answer) Again the number would probably vary, depending on what is being used and the total area being covered.
If 1,776 objects are deployed in honor of the nation’s founding year, does the patriotic significance of the number constitute a legally relevant mitigating factor in any enforcement action, or does the agency take the position that the founders would have wanted fewer?
(Answer) Again it probably would depend on the the person reviewing the permit application. So long as the intent is to remove the items the numbers used are probably open for interpretation.
Is there a specific regulation prohibiting objects shaped like human genitalia on NPS land, or must such a prohibition name the shape explicitly to be enforceable? We ask because vagueness doctrine cuts both ways.
(Answer) This becomes more challenging based on whether the objects are viewed as lewd or inappropriate. Based on what the person reviewing the application thinks, it might get denied.
The objects will bear written political messages. At what point does a message-bearing phallus become protected political speech, and does the medium affect the constitutional analysis, or merely the comfort level of those conducting it?
(Answer) The message might be viewed as protected political speech while the way it is delivered is viewed as inappropriate.
We plan to retrieve all objects upon completion. Does the thoroughness of our extraction procedure have any bearing on the agency’s enforcement posture? We intend to be very thorough.
(Answer) People receiving a permit are expected to clean up after themselves and the area would be inspected to make sure they complied. If they don't clean up right they can be fined or made to do it correctly.
If a permitted demonstration is occurring simultaneously elsewhere on the Mall and a member of that demonstration walks over and observes ours, have the two demonstrations merged? And if so, who is responsible for the resulting entity?
(Answer) I believe the permit application asks for an estimated number of people attending. That doesn't mean that others can't wander in and check out what was going on. It usually happens.
If the activity draws a crowd of onlookers who are not participants, does their presence count toward the 25-person threshold — and if an onlooker begins laughing, have they joined the demonstration?
(Answer) This I'm not sure about.
If objects bearing the text of the First Amendment float within sight of the Lincoln Memorial, does the Memorial’s historical significance as a site of protest affect the constitutional weight of the activity? We ask in the spirit of thematic coherence.
(Answer) No. The event proposed would not and does not affect the cultural significance of the Lincoln Memorial. Your proposed activity would be a form of protest and fits in with the character of the site.
If one of our objects is confiscated as evidence, are there chain-of-custody requirements that govern how it must be handled, stored, and ultimately disposed of?
(Answer) Yes Park police follow the standard chain of custody process.
If a participant is also a credentialed member of the press documenting the activity for publication, do their press rights provide additional protection — or does the First Amendment simply apply twice in that instance?
(Answer) Based on my understanding, and I could be wrong, the event and the press are or should be treated as separate entities.
Is the NPS prepared to provide a written advisory opinion on this proposed activity prior to July 4, 2026? If not, will the agency provide its declination in writing, and does a failure to respond constitute implicit acknowledgment that no applicable prohibition exists?
(Answer) Considering the short space of time, the Permit person may not have time to respond, but you need to contact them right away to find out if the space is already reserved and ask if they can respond back to you in the short amount of time you have.
Does the NPS wish to be credited by name in the resulting coverage, or would the agency prefer attribution to “a federal permits specialist who read the whole thing twice and still wasn’t sure what to do”?
(Answer) There is probably standard language they use for events on the Mall.
That sounds like a good plan. What are the nice things about a piece of paper with a message on it as it doesn’t just vanish into cyberspace. It gets passed around.
My father fought fascism. His leader at the time was a guy named Dwight David Eisenhower. The World War II veterans were the original antifa. They would drop propaganda bombs on German cities while the British dropped fire bombs.
My father was a sergeant. He carried an M1 grand rifle and when he was in cities he carried an M1 carbine. The American Army followed the rule of law and took prisoners. The British sometimes didn’t and when they found a Nazi during the occupation they would bring them to a back alley and put a bullet in the back of their Nazi heads.
My father was with the 63rd. They were called blood and fire. They liberated some of the sub camps. They saw the heaps of bodies and the starving prisoners.
I didn’t know what my father did in that order until a friend of his told me that he was a war hero. And I found out more when I read his discharge papers.
You can never change the mind of a Nazi because a Nazi was born to be a Nazi. They have no humanity so they can’t be taught a lesson in humanity. There’s only one solution when it comes to Nazis. That solution is permanent.
I'm laughing so hard from this cleverly written letter. Thank you--we need all the levity we can muster during these crazy, horrible times.
Stunning. I’m following this one from the UK, with deep interest.
Also, howling with laughter,
Wonderful! Considering that the Washington Monument, the most phallic symbol of all, stands erect at the head of the mall, they ought not to mind a mass of floating ones in the pool. And whatever size you choose, yours will undoubtedly be larger, and more erect, than the one belonging to the phallocentrist in the White House.
Oh myyyyyy! Your letter to the NPS has certainly inflated my interest, Rook! It was like titillating foreplay, building my excitement for the climactic finale! I breathlessly await photos and commentary of this most satisfying act!
Glad you decided to raise these questions, and I extend deep hopes that your outcome will be satisfactory. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
You mean a "Happy Ending"? LOLOL
YES!!!! lolol
Well, I am a retired federal district and park archaeologist who worked for both the US Forest Service and the National Park Service for over 25 years so I'll share my opinion based on years of working on the compliance part of federal event permits. Anyone who knows the system better, is free to correct me.
III. Formal Questions for Advisory Opinion
We respectfully request written answers to the following questions. We have attempted to order them from least to most awkward, and largely failed.
What constitutes an “erection” under 36 CFR 7.96, and is that definition applied uniformly regardless of the object’s material composition, orientation, or buoyancy?
(Answer) What is considered to be a temporary "erected" feature is as varied as the imaginations that go into filling out the permit application. I've seen everything from stages to tents to podiums to small structures. I have also seen small weather stations installed by parks themselves and labeled "temporary " even though everyone knew they weren't going to be removed. It is usually something that is easy to put up and take down, without any kind of foundation.
Does size matter? Specifically: is there a minimum or maximum dimension for objects introduced temporarily into the Reflecting Pool, and does the agency’s answer change based on whether the objects are floating vertically or horizontally?
(Answer) Sizes also vary depending on what is being used. I've seen multi room tents and pretty large stages.
Is there a regulatory maximum number of floating objects permitted in the Reflecting Pool simultaneously, and does the answer change if the objects are deployed in formation?
(Answer) This is a new one for me. I know at events with boats the number allowed is usually defined but for something as small as what you are proposing it is probably up to whoever is reviewing the permit request to say. All you can do is propose the number you want to use and see if it is approved. I know for other events on the Mall people have used quite large numbers of things to provide visuals.
At what point does a collection of floating objects achieve sufficient mass or visual impact to constitute a “demonstration” for permit purposes — and is that threshold measured by number, surface area, or the subjective reaction of onlookers?
(Answer) Again the number would probably vary, depending on what is being used and the total area being covered.
If 1,776 objects are deployed in honor of the nation’s founding year, does the patriotic significance of the number constitute a legally relevant mitigating factor in any enforcement action, or does the agency take the position that the founders would have wanted fewer?
(Answer) Again it probably would depend on the the person reviewing the permit application. So long as the intent is to remove the items the numbers used are probably open for interpretation.
Is there a specific regulation prohibiting objects shaped like human genitalia on NPS land, or must such a prohibition name the shape explicitly to be enforceable? We ask because vagueness doctrine cuts both ways.
(Answer) This becomes more challenging based on whether the objects are viewed as lewd or inappropriate. Based on what the person reviewing the application thinks, it might get denied.
The objects will bear written political messages. At what point does a message-bearing phallus become protected political speech, and does the medium affect the constitutional analysis, or merely the comfort level of those conducting it?
(Answer) The message might be viewed as protected political speech while the way it is delivered is viewed as inappropriate.
We plan to retrieve all objects upon completion. Does the thoroughness of our extraction procedure have any bearing on the agency’s enforcement posture? We intend to be very thorough.
(Answer) People receiving a permit are expected to clean up after themselves and the area would be inspected to make sure they complied. If they don't clean up right they can be fined or made to do it correctly.
If a permitted demonstration is occurring simultaneously elsewhere on the Mall and a member of that demonstration walks over and observes ours, have the two demonstrations merged? And if so, who is responsible for the resulting entity?
(Answer) I believe the permit application asks for an estimated number of people attending. That doesn't mean that others can't wander in and check out what was going on. It usually happens.
If the activity draws a crowd of onlookers who are not participants, does their presence count toward the 25-person threshold — and if an onlooker begins laughing, have they joined the demonstration?
(Answer) This I'm not sure about.
If objects bearing the text of the First Amendment float within sight of the Lincoln Memorial, does the Memorial’s historical significance as a site of protest affect the constitutional weight of the activity? We ask in the spirit of thematic coherence.
(Answer) No. The event proposed would not and does not affect the cultural significance of the Lincoln Memorial. Your proposed activity would be a form of protest and fits in with the character of the site.
If one of our objects is confiscated as evidence, are there chain-of-custody requirements that govern how it must be handled, stored, and ultimately disposed of?
(Answer) Yes Park police follow the standard chain of custody process.
If a participant is also a credentialed member of the press documenting the activity for publication, do their press rights provide additional protection — or does the First Amendment simply apply twice in that instance?
(Answer) Based on my understanding, and I could be wrong, the event and the press are or should be treated as separate entities.
Is the NPS prepared to provide a written advisory opinion on this proposed activity prior to July 4, 2026? If not, will the agency provide its declination in writing, and does a failure to respond constitute implicit acknowledgment that no applicable prohibition exists?
(Answer) Considering the short space of time, the Permit person may not have time to respond, but you need to contact them right away to find out if the space is already reserved and ask if they can respond back to you in the short amount of time you have.
Does the NPS wish to be credited by name in the resulting coverage, or would the agency prefer attribution to “a federal permits specialist who read the whole thing twice and still wasn’t sure what to do”?
(Answer) There is probably standard language they use for events on the Mall.
I hope this helps.
Love this!! Can’t wait for the response 😂
Rook, I love you more everyday...❣️
Well, I am a retired federal district and park archaeologist who worked for both the US Forest Service and the National Park Service for over 25 years so I'll share my opinion based on years of working on the compliance part of federal event permits. Anyone who knows the system better, is free to correct me.
III. Formal Questions for Advisory Opinion
We respectfully request written answers to the following questions. We have attempted to order them from least to most awkward, and largely failed.
What constitutes an “erection” under 36 CFR 7.96, and is that definition applied uniformly regardless of the object’s material composition, orientation, or buoyancy?
(Answer) What is considered to be a temporary "erected" feature is as varied as the imaginations that go into filling out the permit application. I've seen everything from stages to tents to podiums to small structures. I have also seen small weather stations installed by parks themselves and labeled "temporary " even though everyone knew they weren't going to be removed. It is usually something that is easy to put up and take down, without any kind of foundation.
Does size matter? Specifically: is there a minimum or maximum dimension for objects introduced temporarily into the Reflecting Pool, and does the agency’s answer change based on whether the objects are floating vertically or horizontally?
(Answer) Sizes also vary depending on what is being used. I've seen multi room tents and pretty large stages.
Is there a regulatory maximum number of floating objects permitted in the Reflecting Pool simultaneously, and does the answer change if the objects are deployed in formation?
(Answer) This is a new one for me. I know at events with boats the number allowed is usually defined but for something as small as what you are proposing it is probably up to whoever is reviewing the permit request to say. All you can do is propose the number you want to use and see if it is approved. I know for other events on the Mall people have used quite large numbers of things to provide visuals.
At what point does a collection of floating objects achieve sufficient mass or visual impact to constitute a “demonstration” for permit purposes — and is that threshold measured by number, surface area, or the subjective reaction of onlookers?
(Answer) Again the number would probably vary, depending on what is being used and the total area being covered.
If 1,776 objects are deployed in honor of the nation’s founding year, does the patriotic significance of the number constitute a legally relevant mitigating factor in any enforcement action, or does the agency take the position that the founders would have wanted fewer?
(Answer) Again it probably would depend on the the person reviewing the permit application. So long as the intent is to remove the items the numbers used are probably open for interpretation.
Is there a specific regulation prohibiting objects shaped like human genitalia on NPS land, or must such a prohibition name the shape explicitly to be enforceable? We ask because vagueness doctrine cuts both ways.
(Answer) This becomes more challenging based on whether the objects are viewed as lewd or inappropriate. Based on what the person reviewing the application thinks, it might get denied.
The objects will bear written political messages. At what point does a message-bearing phallus become protected political speech, and does the medium affect the constitutional analysis, or merely the comfort level of those conducting it?
(Answer) The message might be viewed as protected political speech while the way it is delivered is viewed as inappropriate.
We plan to retrieve all objects upon completion. Does the thoroughness of our extraction procedure have any bearing on the agency’s enforcement posture? We intend to be very thorough.
(Answer) People receiving a permit are expected to clean up after themselves and the area would be inspected to make sure they complied. If they don't clean up right they can be fined or made to do it correctly.
If a permitted demonstration is occurring simultaneously elsewhere on the Mall and a member of that demonstration walks over and observes ours, have the two demonstrations merged? And if so, who is responsible for the resulting entity?
(Answer) I believe the permit application asks for an estimated number of people attending. That doesn't mean that others can't wander in and check out what was going on. It usually happens.
If the activity draws a crowd of onlookers who are not participants, does their presence count toward the 25-person threshold — and if an onlooker begins laughing, have they joined the demonstration?
(Answer) This I'm not sure about.
If objects bearing the text of the First Amendment float within sight of the Lincoln Memorial, does the Memorial’s historical significance as a site of protest affect the constitutional weight of the activity? We ask in the spirit of thematic coherence.
(Answer) No. The event proposed would not and does not affect the cultural significance of the Lincoln Memorial. Your proposed activity would be a form of protest and fits in with the character of the site.
If one of our objects is confiscated as evidence, are there chain-of-custody requirements that govern how it must be handled, stored, and ultimately disposed of?
(Answer) Yes Park police follow the standard chain of custody process.
If a participant is also a credentialed member of the press documenting the activity for publication, do their press rights provide additional protection — or does the First Amendment simply apply twice in that instance?
(Answer) Based on my understanding, and I could be wrong, the event and the press are or should be treated as separate entities.
Is the NPS prepared to provide a written advisory opinion on this proposed activity prior to July 4, 2026? If not, will the agency provide its declination in writing, and does a failure to respond constitute implicit acknowledgment that no applicable prohibition exists?
(Answer) Considering the short space of time, the Permit person may not have time to respond, but you need to contact them right away to find out if the space is already reserved and ask if they can respond back to you in the short amount of time you have.
Does the NPS wish to be credited by name in the resulting coverage, or would the agency prefer attribution to “a federal permits specialist who read the whole thing twice and still wasn’t sure what to do”?
(Answer) There is probably standard language they use for events on the Mall.
I hope this helps.
Can we have you as a guest on our podcast to discuss this?
Wow! That’s the BEST thing I’ve read in many weeks! Absolutely awesome! Keep it up 😁.
M
FANTASTIC.
When the country is being run by a bunch of giant, impotent, and prematurely ejaculating dicks with over-inflated heads, I think this is a very reasonable way to respond.
Well, I am a retired federal district and park archaeologist who worked for both the US Forest Service and the National Park Service for over 25 years so I'll share my opinion based on years of working on the compliance part of federal event permits. Anyone who knows the system better, is free to correct me.
III. Formal Questions for Advisory Opinion
We respectfully request written answers to the following questions. We have attempted to order them from least to most awkward, and largely failed.
What constitutes an “erection” under 36 CFR 7.96, and is that definition applied uniformly regardless of the object’s material composition, orientation, or buoyancy?
(Answer) What is considered to be a temporary "erected" feature is as varied as the imaginations that go into filling out the permit application. I've seen everything from stages to tents to podiums to small structures. I have also seen small weather stations installed by parks themselves and labeled "temporary " even though everyone knew they weren't going to be removed. It is usually something that is easy to put up and take down, without any kind of foundation.
Does size matter? Specifically: is there a minimum or maximum dimension for objects introduced temporarily into the Reflecting Pool, and does the agency’s answer change based on whether the objects are floating vertically or horizontally?
(Answer) Sizes also vary depending on what is being used. I've seen multi room tents and pretty large stages.
Is there a regulatory maximum number of floating objects permitted in the Reflecting Pool simultaneously, and does the answer change if the objects are deployed in formation?
(Answer) This is a new one for me. I know at events with boats the number allowed is usually defined but for something as small as what you are proposing it is probably up to whoever is reviewing the permit request to say. All you can do is propose the number you want to use and see if it is approved. I know for other events on the Mall people have used quite large numbers of things to provide visuals.
At what point does a collection of floating objects achieve sufficient mass or visual impact to constitute a “demonstration” for permit purposes — and is that threshold measured by number, surface area, or the subjective reaction of onlookers?
(Answer) Again the number would probably vary, depending on what is being used and the total area being covered.
If 1,776 objects are deployed in honor of the nation’s founding year, does the patriotic significance of the number constitute a legally relevant mitigating factor in any enforcement action, or does the agency take the position that the founders would have wanted fewer?
(Answer) Again it probably would depend on the the person reviewing the permit application. So long as the intent is to remove the items the numbers used are probably open for interpretation.
Is there a specific regulation prohibiting objects shaped like human genitalia on NPS land, or must such a prohibition name the shape explicitly to be enforceable? We ask because vagueness doctrine cuts both ways.
(Answer) This becomes more challenging based on whether the objects are viewed as lewd or inappropriate. Based on what the person reviewing the application thinks, it might get denied.
The objects will bear written political messages. At what point does a message-bearing phallus become protected political speech, and does the medium affect the constitutional analysis, or merely the comfort level of those conducting it?
(Answer) The message might be viewed as protected political speech while the way it is delivered is viewed as inappropriate.
We plan to retrieve all objects upon completion. Does the thoroughness of our extraction procedure have any bearing on the agency’s enforcement posture? We intend to be very thorough.
(Answer) People receiving a permit are expected to clean up after themselves and the area would be inspected to make sure they complied. If they don't clean up right they can be fined or made to do it correctly.
If a permitted demonstration is occurring simultaneously elsewhere on the Mall and a member of that demonstration walks over and observes ours, have the two demonstrations merged? And if so, who is responsible for the resulting entity?
(Answer) I believe the permit application asks for an estimated number of people attending. That doesn't mean that others can't wander in and check out what was going on. It usually happens.
If the activity draws a crowd of onlookers who are not participants, does their presence count toward the 25-person threshold — and if an onlooker begins laughing, have they joined the demonstration?
(Answer) This I'm not sure about.
If objects bearing the text of the First Amendment float within sight of the Lincoln Memorial, does the Memorial’s historical significance as a site of protest affect the constitutional weight of the activity? We ask in the spirit of thematic coherence.
(Answer) No. The event proposed would not and does not affect the cultural significance of the Lincoln Memorial. Your proposed activity would be a form of protest and fits in with the character of the site.
If one of our objects is confiscated as evidence, are there chain-of-custody requirements that govern how it must be handled, stored, and ultimately disposed of?
(Answer) Yes Park police follow the standard chain of custody process.
If a participant is also a credentialed member of the press documenting the activity for publication, do their press rights provide additional protection — or does the First Amendment simply apply twice in that instance?
(Answer) Based on my understanding, and I could be wrong, the event and the press are or should be treated as separate entities.
Is the NPS prepared to provide a written advisory opinion on this proposed activity prior to July 4, 2026? If not, will the agency provide its declination in writing, and does a failure to respond constitute implicit acknowledgment that no applicable prohibition exists?
(Answer) Considering the short space of time, the Permit person may not have time to respond, but you need to contact them right away to find out if the space is already reserved and ask if they can respond back to you in the short amount of time you have.
Does the NPS wish to be credited by name in the resulting coverage, or would the agency prefer attribution to “a federal permits specialist who read the whole thing twice and still wasn’t sure what to do”?
(Answer) There is probably standard language they use for events on the Mall.
I hope this helps.
Please 🙏
Love ALL these comments times 10!! 😉👏🏻🫵🏻❤️🥳🤣
That sounds like a good plan. What are the nice things about a piece of paper with a message on it as it doesn’t just vanish into cyberspace. It gets passed around.
My father fought fascism. His leader at the time was a guy named Dwight David Eisenhower. The World War II veterans were the original antifa. They would drop propaganda bombs on German cities while the British dropped fire bombs.
My father was a sergeant. He carried an M1 grand rifle and when he was in cities he carried an M1 carbine. The American Army followed the rule of law and took prisoners. The British sometimes didn’t and when they found a Nazi during the occupation they would bring them to a back alley and put a bullet in the back of their Nazi heads.
My father was with the 63rd. They were called blood and fire. They liberated some of the sub camps. They saw the heaps of bodies and the starving prisoners.
I didn’t know what my father did in that order until a friend of his told me that he was a war hero. And I found out more when I read his discharge papers.
You can never change the mind of a Nazi because a Nazi was born to be a Nazi. They have no humanity so they can’t be taught a lesson in humanity. There’s only one solution when it comes to Nazis. That solution is permanent.
So much in here....