Social Media Suspension, Farewell to Facebook

It finally happened. The algorithmic overlords at Facebook—led by Mark Zuckerberg, a man whose soul appears to have been coded in binary—have decided to put an end to Fear and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail 2024. As of this morning, our page has been suspended, presumably for crimes against their fragile egos and humorless moderation bots.

Why, you ask? Who knows. Maybe it was the meme about Zuckerberg’s hairpiece being made from Dana White’s pubic hair. Perhaps it was the suggestion that his electric penis pump caused the L.A. wildfires. Or maybe Zuckerberg just can’t handle the heat. This is, after all, the man who turned a platform built on poking your friends into a sterile wasteland of MLM scams, fake health cures, and political rage-clicks.

Let’s be honest: Facebook isn’t about “community” anymore. It’s a glorified dystopian shopping mall where every storefront tries to sell you snake oil, and the security guards are robots programmed to care about nothing but their precious Community Standards™. And here we are, evicted from the mall for laughing too loudly and pointing out the emperor has no clothes—or at least a toupee made of questionable materials.

Why did Facebook drop the hammer? Let’s break down the most likely reasons:

1. The Dana White Hairpiece Meme

Was it juvenile? Sure. Was it hilarious? Absolutely. Did Zuckerberg or his bots mistake it for harassment? Probably. God forbid we poke fun at the man who brought us the metaverse, the most expensive and underwhelming Sims expansion pack ever conceived.

2. The Electric Penis Pump Wildfire Theory

Look, it was satire. Obviously. But Zuckerberg’s bots don’t understand nuance—they see “penis pump” and “wildfire” and immediately smash the red button like an overzealous game show contestant. If we can’t speculate wildly about hypothetical tech disasters, what’s the point of living in a free society?

3. Too Much Fun

Let’s face it: Thr Page was suspended because we were having too much Fun. Facebook is where joy goes to die, buried under piles of baby photos, political screeds, and pyramid schemes. The page was a vibrant, chaotic oasis of satire and wit, and Zuckerberg couldn’t stand it.

Mark likes to think of himself as a tech pioneer, a digital prophet leading humanity into a brave new world. In reality, he’s the guy who throws a party, charges everyone to get in, and then kicks you out for laughing too loudly because it upsets his “vibe.” His platform isn’t a community—it’s a sterile lab experiment where the only thing being tested is how much advertising revenue they can squeeze out of our collective misery.

This is a man who once declared that Facebook’s mission was to “bring the world closer together.” How noble. But what he really meant was, “I’m going to turn your grandma into an anti-vax meme factory while you’re too busy doomscrolling to notice.”

Zuckerberg doesn’t want creativity, wit, or humor. He wants compliance. He wants you to scroll, shop, and shut up. And if you dare to post something absurd, sharp, or even slightly offensive to his delicate sensibilities, you’re out.

Except we’re not going to shut up; we’re leveling up. Effective immediately, you can find us:

On Substack: @closertotheedge for unfiltered, uncensored chaos.

On Bluesky: @fearandloathing, where satire and rebellion still thrive.

Mark Zuckerberg can keep his sterile wasteland of clickbait and conspiracy theories. We’re taking our talents to platforms that still have a sense of humor and a shred of integrity.

To Zuckerberg, we say this: Your platform is dying, not because of people like us, but because of people like you. You’ve drained the soul out of social media and replaced it with ads for questionable protein powders and NFT scams. Enjoy your empire of bots and misery, Mark. The rest of us are leaving, and we’re taking the Fun with us.

To our readers: Thank you for your loyalty, your laughter, and your ability to find joy in the absurd. The fight isn’t over—it’s just moving to a better battlefield. We’ll keep poking the bear, laughing at the madness, and speaking truth to power.

Zuckerberg might control Facebook, but he doesn’t control us.