90 Comments
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RM Strongoni's avatar

Real dicks investigating fake dicks for the really big dicks.

April Rooker's avatar

That is some masterful word play. Well said 🍆

Ed Schmidt III's avatar

Are you referring the FBI (as real dicks) and ICE (as fake dicks)? Is this a metaphor of our times? Why is it that real dicks don’t wear condoms (like face masks) but fake dicks do? And the big dick should, but doesn’t?

I have no answer for this insanity.

RM Strongoni's avatar

Don’t overthink it. A dick is a dick is a dick.

RM Strongoni's avatar

Woah, is this a man’s world or what bro?

Mike A's avatar

You sir, have won the internet! 😆 😂

RM Strongoni's avatar

I’d feel a lot better if my name wasn’t Richard.

Mike A's avatar

Makes it even funnier.

Khalila RedBird's avatar

This is very heartening. And could be interesting.

Barney's avatar

It might become a trend at the Federal level!!

Khalila RedBird's avatar

Check out the Doinked collection at BendableGlass.com .

Kat Fitzgerald's avatar

No they didn’t. Did they??

Kenneth James's avatar

The company ought to fashion some of those dildos into exact replicas of Trump's Cabinet members and Executive Staff, at least all the males, and then have them mounted and proudly on display in the White House whenever foreign dignitaries or Heads of State come for high-level meetings and soirées. This would fit perfectly to the times we find ourselves in.

Merry's avatar

Or, perhaps use trump’s mushroom cloud as the perfect model, for a variety of reasons. And they’d likely be significantly cheaper to mass produce, given the size. Just a thought…

Tish Grier's avatar

The latex budget would be quite small. If they deciced on silicone, oh, miniscule amont.....

Merry's avatar

Yep! 😂

nks's avatar

The White House Hall of Dicks

No thanks's avatar

Here we are folks , right back at the place we started in 1981. Iran and Iraq, switching sides and sending weapons and letting our soldiers get captured and making illicit weapons deals supporting South American chaos. It’s really the same rich people getting rich, the same politicians being corrupt and putting the same young soldiers out there as targets for their greed and power. Only difference, I am no longer 19 year old girl wearing Vietnam era fatigues as one of the first group of female paratroopers at Ft Benning Ga to graduate w some of the recently released hostages from Iran who were held over a year , and then in my jump school class. I’m now a 60 something old woman that wears my Vet tshirt to my gym and gets asked “where my husband served “ by every younger white dude who sees it. You all can’t even imagine that it was possible, after all these years of women doing … well much more intelligent things w their lives than I did. Much braver and certainly a better use of time I guess. So much and so much of nothing has changed. Now my country that I helped defend doesn’t want me to vote or have a say in what women do with their own body. They don’t want my daughter to have a say and bc I am not Epstein class they want my sons to serve and risk death while their children profit from it. Nothing has changed except one thing, billionaires get away with anything and children are part of the pile of gold they can rape and we should all look away. I guess Ollie North has had second thoughts, but that’s about it and Hegseth is just a modern day North.

Mimi's avatar

And, all the progress we’ve made since the Vietnam era is being shitcanned by the pedoligarchs!

Sue W.'s avatar

North was more composed, at least.

Sandra Nicht's avatar

modern day North but without the decorated service part. He actually did something before he sold out the nation to protect Reagan.

Hegseth sold out the nation when he sold his soul to the ChristoFascist cult and its orange antiChrist...

Tish Grier's avatar

Oh i think he sold it out long before that. He's had those tats and that drinking problem for a long time.

Sandra Nicht's avatar

"Plastered Pete Kegstand" as Jeff Tiedrich puts it

Stacy's avatar

I did not have this on my bingo card but seriously why not? FFS!

Lisa Savage's avatar

What a delightful way to convey the very important message: if the FBI knocks on your door, don't say ANYTHING.

Hound's avatar

There are lots of dildos in the Whitehouse. Trump is Netanyahu’s and Putin’s dildo. Hegseth provides the lube. Lindsey Graham does the cleanups.

Timithius's avatar

I still can't figure out if this is satire.

Closer to the Edge's avatar

That's understandable. We are really hoping there is Ring camera footage.

Merry's avatar

I’m with ya. Dicks gonna dick around, right?

Lianne Doherty's avatar

Substack is on fire today! I haven't laughed this much in months!🤣🤣🤣🤣

Cortisol and Me's avatar

I just hope they don’t get too much of a hard time at the office!

Joe Wilson's avatar

FBI - F🤥ck, Batteries Included

Hehehe.

Tish Grier's avatar

😂😂😂

Merry's avatar

Thank you so much for reporting this important information. It’s absolutely essential for us to know what the professionals dicks in the dick brigade - the brave and committed keepers of the dicks - are doing to keep taxpayers safe. And for the record, I for one will sleep soundly tonight knowing that I’m safe from reckless, renegade dicks.

Sue W.'s avatar

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Yvonne McCarthy's avatar

BWAHAHAHAHA I love this.

Lance Decker's avatar

LOL

CatC's avatar

LMFAO!!! I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!!! I think we all need to get some- and keep by our front doors! JUST IN CASE!!! BWAHAHA!!! I mean I usually just pull out my snake- not euphemism-actual Boa Constrictor cause my old guy is usually enough to send folks away, "crazy cat lady with snake draped around her?" yeah- lets just go.. ;) but having some Big D's around couldn't hurt?!!! :)

Renegade Crone's avatar

OMGODDESSES! Such a fun read that was easily imagined with Petal, I mean Patel, in charge of tricks. This bad ass Crone thanks you! Ooo, the places they could go...