Trump’s Great Firing Spree: Nukes Unchecked, Planes Upside Down, and Musk in Charge

It started with nuclear security. Because when you’re Donald J. Trump and your brain functions like a Roomba trapped in a corner, the first thing you do after waddling out of bed isn’t addressing real issues—it’s firing the people who keep America’s nuclear arsenal from accidentally turning Cleveland into a smoking crater.

Yes, in a stunning display of weaponized stupidity, Trump’s Department of Energy fired hundreds of nuclear security personnel. The National Nuclear Security Administration (NNSA)—the people who maintain America’s literal doomsday stockpile—was suddenly short-staffed because Trump wanted to "cut costs."

This is the same man who spent billions of taxpayer dollars on a wall that fell over in a light breeze, but making sure nuclear warheads don’t go missing? That, apparently, was too expensive.

But then came the realization:

“Oh, wait—we just fired the people in charge of making sure our nukes don’t explode by accident. Oops.”

Cue the frantic emails, desperate phone calls, and some unfortunate government official realizing they had just fired the human firewall between America and radioactive oblivion. But here’s where it gets even dumber—they couldn’t even reach the fired employees to rehire them because they’d already been locked out of their federal email accounts.

So, not only did they fire critical nuclear security personnel, but they also had no way to contact them to beg them to come back.

Imagine being so incompetent that you accidentally lay off the only people standing between civilization and full-scale nuclear disaster—then realize you can’t even tell them.

And just when you think this carnival of stupidity couldn’t get any worse, Trump pivoted from nuclear security to air safety.

Because why stop at one major catastrophe when you can tee up a second one at 35,000 feet?

Yes, while the nuclear security fiasco was still smoldering, Trump decided to fire hundreds of aviation safety workers at the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA). These weren’t clipboard-holding bureaucrats. These were engineers, technicians, and safety inspectors—the people who maintain the radars, landing systems, and air traffic control networks that prevent your flight from turning into a fiery news segment.

The union, of course, went into full-blown panic mode, warning that the people being fired are so specialized that replacing them will take decades. But Trump and his goons pressed on, because when you’re actively trying to break the country, you don’t stop just because people might die.

And speaking of death—the skies are already proving how reckless this is.

The Trump administration fired FAA employees right after four deadly plane crashes in a single month.

• A midair collision over Washington, D.C. killed 67 people.

• A plane crashed near Philadelphia, killing seven more.

• Another wreck in Alaska left ten dead.

• Mötley Crüe’s Vince Neil’s private jet crashed into a parked aircraft because its landing gear failed, killing one.

And if that wasn’t bad enough—just hours ago, a Delta flight arriving at Pearson International Airport in Toronto flipped upside down upon landing.

A whole goddamn plane. Flipped. Over.

This wasn’t some third-world airline with chickens in the overhead compartments—this was Delta, one of the biggest carriers in the United States. Early reports say everyone survived, but that’s pure luck, not a sign that the system is holding up.

So how does Trump respond to these disasters? By gutting aviation safety even further.

And if that wasn’t enough of a joke, the White House actually believes they’ve found a solution: Elon Musk.

Yes, Elon Musk—the man whose cars have a tendency to explode for no reason—is now in charge of "fixing" America’s air safety systems.

His Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE)—a name so idiotic it sounds like it was dreamed up during a bong-fueled Reddit thread—has now been tasked with "modernizing" the FAA’s air traffic control systems.

So if you’re planning to fly anytime soon, hope you enjoy the experience of being beta-tested. Because soon, instead of trained engineers running the FAA’s systems, it’ll be some Tesla intern rebooting air traffic control like it’s an iPad with a bad Wi-Fi connection.

At this rate, the safest bet might be to dig a bunker, stock up on whiskey, and invest in a sturdy bicycle. Because soon, your travel options will be flying with Trump’s budget-cut FAA, hitchhiking with Elon Musk’s self-driving death traps, or simply launching yourself out of a cannon and hoping for the best. Either way, buckle up—because under this administration, every departure could be your final destination.