WHEN THE CLOWNS TAKE CONTROL: LAURA LOOMER IS NOW RUNNING NATIONAL SECURITY

In a nation once governed by adults, Laura Loomer would be yelling at pigeons behind a locked gate. Instead, she’s in the Oval Office advising the President on who to fire from the National Security Council. And the President — who once sold steaks at Sharper Image — is taking her advice like she’s George Kennan with a face tattoo.

This week, Donald Trump fired several NSC officials not because they posed a threat — but because they didn’t kiss the ring hard enough. The move came directly after a face-to-face Oval Office meeting with Loomer, a woman best known for handcuffing herself to Twitter HQ because people stopped liking her posts.

Let’s be clear: This isn’t just a humiliation for American governance. It’s a prelude to collapse, brought to you by a failed Broadway protestor, a sweaty Florida golf tyrant, and a security team so careless they once invited a journalist into a Signal chat about classified military operations.

“It was an honor to meet with President Trump and present him with my research findings,” Loomer posted, as if a scrapbook of fever dreams constitutes national intelligence.

Her “findings” led directly to the firings of Brian Walsh, Thomas Boodry, and David Feith — serious professionals sacrificed because they weren’t MAGA enough for the Uber-banned conspiracy lady.

LAURA LOOMER: FROM LYFT BAN TO NATIONAL POWER BROKER

Loomer has been banned from more platforms than most people have credit cards. Uber. PayPal. Instagram. Lyft. Even GoFundMe wanted nothing to do with her — and GoFundMe has hosted campaigns for flat earthers, civil war cosplayers, and at least one guy trying to marry his toaster.

But Loomer’s real talent isn’t hate. It’s failure. She lost elections, botched stunts, alienated everyone but her own reflection — and somehow, that made her a perfect fit for Trump’s White House.

She once said she didn’t want Muslims in America. Now she’s vetting people for national security clearances. The same woman who claimed Ilhan Omar was infiltrating Congress for Hamas is now whispering into the ear of a president who can't spell “counsel.”

This is not a joke. It’s what happens when a nation lets its fringe become its front office.

JD VANCE, SUSIE WILES, AND THE REST OF THE BACKUP DANCERS

Let’s not let the rest off the hook. Vice President JD Vance was in the room. So was Susie Wiles. So was NSA Mike Waltz, who’s currently under fire for creating a group chat on Signal to coordinate airstrikes — and accidentally adding The Atlantic’s Jeffrey Goldberg.

Imagine being so incompetent, you make Jeffrey Goldberg the war correspondent by accident.

Waltz took responsibility for the error but still has a job. Why? Because he’s useful — for now. Loomer’s already muttering about “neocons” and “deep state shills,” and Waltz’s days are numbered unless he swears eternal fealty while wearing a QAnon lanyard and quoting Truth Social posts like scripture.

TRUMP DOESN’T WANT COMPETENCE — HE WANTS DEVOTION

This is the Trump doctrine now: hire clowns, purge thinkers, and praise whoever flatters him loudest. Loomer rose not through merit, but through megaphone. She shouted louder than the rest, believed stranger things, hated more people, and did it all while failing upward like a MAGA-powered balloon.

Trump didn’t tap her for advice in spite of her delusions — he picked her because of them. Because she sees enemies everywhere. Because she makes him feel like a king being protected from imaginary assassins. Because reality is a threat to a man whose power depends on illusion.

FINAL ROUND: WHO’S REALLY IN CHARGE?

The truth is brutal: The woman who thought the Vegas shooting was a hoax now influences the most sensitive personnel decisions in the United States government. She is dictating purges of national security experts, pushing out seasoned professionals, and replacing them with true believers and bootlickers.

That’s not just dangerous. That’s dictatorship cosplay with live ammo.

Loomer is not the outlier. She is the blueprint. This is what happens when power is handed to those who hate reality — they try to dismantle it, one paranoid whisper at a time.

And Trump? He’s not the strongman. He’s the mark. The easiest con of all. A sweaty old man clapping along while the carnival barker he hired sets fire to the tent.

A FASCIST FAN CLUB

So here we are. The commander-in-chief is taking cues from a woman who’s been banned from more apps than she’s read books. His war plans leak through group chats. His allies cower before trolls. And his administration is now a live-action roleplay of the darkest corners of 4chan.

This isn’t a presidency.

It’s a fascist fan club run by failures, with a loyalty oath, a merch table, and a body count.

And the ringmaster?

She’s still out there — tweeting, scheming, vetting, purging — all while America burns behind her like a stage she never deserved to stand on.

---