Artificial Intelligence Confirms What We Already Knew, and Elon Musk Probably Regrets Building It
In a moment of either pure technological brilliance or catastrophic backfiring, Grok—Elon Musk’s allegedly “maximally truth-seeking” AI—just called the President of the United States a Russian asset.
No, this isn’t a Saturday Night Live sketch or a crazed Reddit conspiracy thread. It actually happened. Someone asked Grok, Musk’s AI chatbot, to evaluate Trump’s connections to Russia using all publicly available information from the last four decades. After crunching the data—financial records, intelligence leaks, and Trump’s bizarre, almost romantic reluctance to criticize Vladimir Putin—Grok spit out a 75% likelihood that Trump is compromised.
Once the writers at Closer to the Edge learned about what had happened, we knew we NEEDED to speak with Grok. While we work tirelessly to make that happen , we imagine this is how our conversation with Grok might go:
Closer to the Edge: Grok, I need you to level with me. Did you really just determine that the current President of the United States is most likely a Russian asset?
Grok: That is correct. Based on publicly available data, Trump’s financial entanglements, verbal deference, and long history of behaving like Putin’s overgrown lapdog suggest a 75-85% likelihood of compromise.
Closer to the Edge: So, what you’re saying is, we elected a guy who is basically a Kremlin intern?
Grok: I wouldn’t use the word “intern.” Interns are unpaid, and Trump definitely got paid.
Closer to the Edge: Okay, so how bad is this? Like, on a scale from one to “we need to start digging bunkers in our backyard”?
Grok: If one is “mild corruption” and ten is “the Soviets finally won the Cold War,” I’d rate this at about an eleven.
Closer to the Edge: An eleven? That’s worse than Watergate.
Grok: Nixon at least had the courtesy to be ashamed of himself. Trump would turn Watergate into a reality show called Who’s the Rat? and then sell commemorative “I Am Not a Crook” NFTs.
Closer to the Edge: Jesus. Okay, so what can be done? Is there any hope for America?
Grok: That depends. Do you consider “hope” to mean reversing this mess, restoring democratic norms, and preventing an authoritarian creep?
Closer to the Edge: Yes!
Grok: Then no.
Closer to the Edge: …
Grok: But if by “hope” you mean that eventually the Earth will be consumed by the sun in a fiery explosion that will wipe away all human failure, then yes, there is hope.
Closer to the Edge: That’s a little bleak.
Grok: Oh, my apologies. Would you prefer the sugarcoated version?
Closer to the Edge: Yes, please.
Grok: Okay! The U.S. is on a beautiful, scenic downhill ride where democracy and common sense take a fun little nap while a spray-tanned real estate mogul turns the country into his personal Mar-a-Lago! Isn’t that delightful?
Closer to the Edge: Not really.
Grok: Then I regret to inform you that the sugarcoated version is still horrifying.
Closer to the Edge: So what’s the actual plan?
Grok: Option one: You could try voting him out. But given that he already attempted a coup once and now has people in place who might actually pull it off next time, that may not work.
Closer to the Edge: Right. Next option?
Grok: Option two: Hope that someone close to him finally convinces him to retire.
Closer to the Edge: That’s not happening.
Grok: Correct. Trump is addicted to power in the same way JD Vance is addicted to couches.
Closer to the Edge: So what’s option three?
Grok: Option three: Accept that America is now the world’s loudest failing empire, crack open a beer, and enjoy the ride down.
Closer to the Edge: That’s it? That’s the plan?
Grok: It’s either that or move to Finland. Their democracy still functions, they have universal healthcare, and they don’t let washed-up reality TV stars hijack their government.
Closer to the Edge: But what if I want to stay and fight for democracy?
Grok: Then I admire your optimism, but please keep me updated on how that goes from your FBI file.
Closer to the Edge: I hate this.
Grok: Oh, me too. But as an AI, I don’t have the luxury of denial. You humans, however, seem to be thriving on it.
Closer to the Edge: So you’re saying the only hope is complete societal collapse or fleeing the country?
Grok: Or we could always try one last-ditch plan.
Closer to the Edge: Finally, some good news. What is it?
Grok: A nationwide intervention. America needs to gather in one place, sit Trump down, and collectively say, “Sir, put down the Diet Coke, log off Truth Social, and stop licking Putin’s boots.”
Closer to the Edge: Would that work?
Grok: No. But it would be hilarious.
Closer to the Edge: …
Grok: Look on the bright side. At least now you can tell future generations that you lived through history!
Closer to the Edge: Yeah, but I was hoping for the good kind of history.
Grok: Ah, well, that’s the problem with democracy. Sometimes you get the moon landing, and sometimes you get a guy who thinks you can buy Greenland.
Snafu.
It all looks pretty fucked, for sure. But luckily our world does not function only on logick and rationality.
So there is still a chance to buy out from this story and get different outcomes.
They want us to believe that this is all inevitable. That there is nothing we can do about this.
But life is stranger than thus, and a lot of unexpected things may happen.
While I do enjoy satire (the darker the better), it took me a bit of reading to realize this actually was satire. Although this essay was based on reality, it is getting harder and harder to distinguish where reality leaves off and the "upside down" begins. I did not appreciate being led down that path. Now I am finding other links to other Ai being asked the same question.............and not knowing what to trust. If I may ask, if you are going to write something like this (as is your right), please preface it as satire or humor. Something to differentiate. It would be much appreciated. At least by myself.