47 Comments
User's avatar
Captain Mavis 23's avatar

Snafu.

It all looks pretty fucked, for sure. But luckily our world does not function only on logick and rationality.

So there is still a chance to buy out from this story and get different outcomes.

They want us to believe that this is all inevitable. That there is nothing we can do about this.

But life is stranger than thus, and a lot of unexpected things may happen.

Expand full comment
Closer to the Edge's avatar

Well said.

Expand full comment
Lily Eizabeth's avatar

They think like Thanos, but with obesity, ketamine addiction, and a lack of verbal ability.

Expand full comment
Cynthia Johnston's avatar

Counting on it....

Expand full comment
Anthony Hamline's avatar

While I do enjoy satire (the darker the better), it took me a bit of reading to realize this actually was satire. Although this essay was based on reality, it is getting harder and harder to distinguish where reality leaves off and the "upside down" begins. I did not appreciate being led down that path. Now I am finding other links to other Ai being asked the same question.............and not knowing what to trust. If I may ask, if you are going to write something like this (as is your right), please preface it as satire or humor. Something to differentiate. It would be much appreciated. At least by myself.

Expand full comment
Closer to the Edge's avatar

It's a true news story with an imagined conversation appended to it. I didn’t know how to make it any clearer. Mixing fact with fiction is a tricky thing, but I think we pulled it off. We hope you will keep reading. Nobody will like everything we put out, and that's okay.

Expand full comment
Anthony Hamline's avatar

I will definitely keep reading. Was just asking for more clarity when you do attempt to mix fact with fiction. We already have been fed a constant stream of "What the ...........that can't be real" for too long now. I actually did like it. But was left confused as to whether the actual basis for the story was factual even after reading to the end. Then I started reading other sources and was left even more confused regarding the actual facts. No offense intended.

Expand full comment
Closer to the Edge's avatar

None taken.

Expand full comment
Anthony Hamline's avatar

The only response I can think of at the moment is "Pax".

Expand full comment
bööbôǒ's avatar

the author clarifies right before the imagined conversation

Expand full comment
BC's avatar

Creative genius! Screenwriter 🥇

Expand full comment
Philippe Macridis's avatar

Grok analyzing the data and citing he’s an asset is pure poetry. You’ve brilliantly dragged Comrade Cheetov’s past back into the spotlight with the Krasnov intel you dug up. Hopefully the questions don’t stop and more & more people become enraged at the possibility that the highest office in the land belongs to Vladdy Daddy’s pathetic puppet. You’ve lit the fuse, Closer fam. Kudos. Praying it burns smoothly all the way to a cataclysmic boom.

Expand full comment
Caroline Boudakian's avatar

This was both hilarious and terrifying in equal measure. And, according to all the articles I've been reading lately, this isn't 'satire' enough!

Expand full comment
Martha Ture's avatar

More possibilities:

A. His expiration date is soon approaching. He's in terrible physical condition, his diet is drastic, he's addicted to Adderall, his mind is deteriorating at Mach 1, he's 78 years old.

OTOH, that leaves us with Captain Couch. Probability: within 12 months, higher than his current popularity rating according to Nate Silver.

B. Military coup. Just sayin.'

C. Some bug from out of Africa, measles, avian flu, and another H191 virus will wipe out the unvaccinated GOP voters, leaving Marjorie Taylor Greene's seat empty. Ditto Virginia-02, Arizona-01, Nebraska-02. This flips the House. Probability: You'd better read this: https://centerforhealthsecurity.org/sites/default/files/2022-12/spars-pandemic-scenario.pdf

D. Some wealthy individuals from around the globe, including criminals, Americans, financiers, mafiosi, gypsy currency traders, smugglers, art patrons, and cultural elites decide they've had enough and cut off all access to all funding to the GOP. Probability: IDFK.

E. Some enemies of the US - North Korea, Iran, e.g. - decide to do a cyber 9-11. That doesn't create anything but change. Probability: IDFK.

Expand full comment
A Virginian's avatar

Depressing.

Expand full comment
Sandra Tuttle's avatar

Now, let's do Elon.

Expand full comment
baby nation's avatar

Omg , grok left out one option …. Unalive jd Vance Elon musk and Donald trump lol

I am so ready to sacrifice myself at this point

Expand full comment
Suzette's avatar

This is sad but funny all at the same time. As usual, you have a wonderful sense of irony.

Expand full comment
SueD's avatar

Omg I loved it! You made me chuckle during a time that looks pretty bleak 😀

Expand full comment
Delia Wozniak's avatar

Grok, Musk’s AI, knows that Trump is a Russian ASSet!

We know that Trump is a Russian ASSet!

Will someone inform the entire Republican Congress and ROBERTS’s Court that TRUMP is a Russian ASSet!

Expand full comment
bööbôǒ's avatar

I was told by a rep aid they probably already know and don’t care

Expand full comment
Delia Wozniak's avatar

We are in big trouble!

Corporate Wealth rules us!

We have to bring down the economy to make them pay!

Expand full comment
Noemi A. Collie's avatar

There is another possible solution in a way similar to Grok's last option which not many people are seriously talking about....yet. I suppose it will take a certain amount of American's coming to terms with what has happened; a completed coup.

Expand full comment
David Narum's avatar

Deport!

Expand full comment
Larry Simmons's avatar

Artificial Intelligence? Maybe that’s what is between Musk’s ears!

Expand full comment
Jonna Hudson's avatar

I asked ChatGPT to write a dystopian novel where Musk ended the world. It lasted out all the steps he would need to take and he is basically on track to succeed.

Expand full comment
Cynthia Johnston's avatar

Yow.

Expand full comment
Bill Seuffert's avatar

We can pray he dies

Expand full comment