CLOSER TO THE EDGE INTRODUCES NEW CONTRIBUTOR WAYNEMARK NILLUM
A living warning label for the modern American political moment
Late last night, Closer to the Edge quietly announced that Waynemark Nillum will be joining the publication as an occasional contributor, a decision the editorial staff describes as “equal parts journalism, anthropology, and public safety announcement.”
Waynemark is a deeply devoted supporter of Donald Trump. He has seen the Melania movie more than a dozen times. He wears a Trump 2028 hat nearly everywhere, including while sleeping “in case patriotism happens suddenly.” He named all of his children Donald, creating a household where shouting “Donald!” causes three people and one confused Labrador retriever to respond.
Following the 2024 assassination attempt on Trump, Waynemark reportedly removed a small slice of his own ear with a pair of household scissors in what he described as an act of patriotic solidarity. He now refers to the missing piece as “patriot cartilage” and occasionally gestures to it during political arguments.
His home contains what neighbors describe as a Trump appreciation room, featuring rally posters, framed screenshots of tweets, three American flags, a cardboard cutout he greets each morning, and a television that plays cable news around the clock. Waynemark calls this television “the briefing.” Visitors report that he sometimes salutes it before speaking.
Waynemark also believes the Constitution contains “several unwritten sections,” and once attempted to tip a restaurant server with a gold-colored novelty coin he insists will be “legal tender after the deep state collapses.”
This is the “man” Closer to the Edge has decided to publish.
Not because we believe Waynemark has discovered profound truths about the American republic. Quite the opposite.
Waynemark is what happens when a human being spends a decade marinating in cable news, viral outrage, social-media echo chambers, and a constant stream of political spectacle until politics stops being an opinion and becomes a personality.
He is a cautionary tale wearing a hat.
From time to time, Closer to the Edge will publish Waynemark’s open letters and occasional word salads with minimal editing. Readers should expect creative spelling, enthusiastic punctuation, and the unstoppable confidence of a man who believes he has personally figured out the fate of the nation while refilling a pitcher of Kool-Aid.
We are not publishing Waynemark because he represents the best of American political thinking.
We are publishing him because he represents something that now exists in very large numbers.
Consider it documentation.
The problem for us in the rest of the world is that we can't believe how many Waynemarks there are in the US to have voted Trump back again - like what is in the water supply over there? Oh, and thanks you guys for the imminent fuel shortage, probable inflation, the resulting lift in mortgage repayments, and the possible WWIII and / or recession.
I guess if we can’t afford to visit the US, sending your countries lived experience to the rest of us is something, I guess, we should all be thankful for?
At first I questioned whether I had been sucked in through a wormhole that suddenly appeared in the space time continuum, but as I continued to read, I finally understood that I'm not in Kansas anymore. Your decision to bring this new contributing author into the fold is an absolutely brilliant idea! He'll add some tongue-in-cheeky coloratura to the team. Can't wait! Let the games begin!