EXHUMING KIM DAVIS
How the Christian right dug up its most embarrassing corpse to try killing marriage equality again
Kim Davis is back — because apparently, the Christian right ran out of new ideas and decided to reboot their least popular franchise. It’s like if Hollywood announced Morbius 2, except the vampire is wearing a thrift-store denim jumper and smells faintly of expired Jell-O salad from the church basement. She was irrelevant for years, but here she comes again, shuffling out of the political graveyard like the zombie extra who didn’t even get a name in the credits, only this time she’s being billed as the star. And why? Because Liberty Counsel needed a warm body to strap to their latest legal suicide mission, and their casting director apparently thought, “What about that lady everyone hated in 2015? She’s still alive, right?”
They’re dragging her back to court to try to kill Obergefell v. Hodges, the Supreme Court decision that legalized same-sex marriage, and they’re doing it with the confidence of a drunk guy challenging a bus to a fistfight. Liberty Counsel has been polishing their “religious liberty” talking points for months, and now they’re putting all their chips on Kim “Contempt of Court” Davis, whose legal record is one long game of “You lose again!” It’s like entering a donkey in the Kentucky Derby just to watch it eat the infield grass on live TV.
And the hypocrisy? It’s practically a performance art piece at this point. Kim Davis, defender of “biblical marriage,” has been divorced more times than some couples have gone on vacation. If marriages were iPhones, she’d be on her fifth model and still calling everyone else’s relationship “ungodly.” She’s basically the Yelp reviewer who gives zero stars to a restaurant while dining there for the third time. Liberty Counsel isn’t even pretending to care — they treat her messy marital history like a quirky character trait, the way sitcoms treat someone’s obsession with model trains. “Sure, she’s failed at the thing she’s defending, but isn’t that just so relatable?”
Liberty Counsel itself is less of a law firm and more of a traveling snake oil wagon, rolling from town to town with a crate of “We’re Being Persecuted” elixir and a promise that if you drink enough of it, you’ll be immune to reality. Their business model is genius in the same way pyramid schemes are genius: find a client who will definitely lose, frame the loss as proof the system is rigged, then demand more donations to “keep fighting.” And when your star client is Kim Davis, losing is the only guarantee you can make without fear of a lawsuit.
This whole charade isn’t about faith or freedom; it’s about making cruelty look holy and hoping nobody notices the smell of grift coming from the stage. They’re not defending the sanctity of marriage; they’re defending the sanctity of making sure gay couples have a worse day than they did yesterday. It’s like watching someone trip a kid at recess, then deliver a sermon about the importance of humility. And they will keep doing it, over and over, because nothing gets the checks rolling in faster than promising to ruin someone else’s good time.
They genuinely think this is going to work. They look at the post-Dobbs Supreme Court and see an opening. The rest of us look at Kim Davis and see the human embodiment of a Windows Vista error message. They are betting the farm on a woman whose political capital expired in 2016, hoping the Justices will overturn a decade of marriage equality because she still doesn’t want her name on a marriage license. It’s delusional, it’s desperate, and it’s hilarious.
If Kim Davis wins in court, you can be sure they will instantly declare open season on marriage equality. If she loses again — which is far more likely — they’ll hold up the loss as proof the Supreme Court needs even more hard-right zealots. It’s a win-win in the grift economy.
They’re not protecting faith. They’re weaponizing it.
They’re not defending liberty.
They’re narrowing it.
They’re not upholding morality.
They’re enforcing a double standard so warped it should come with a neck brace.
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It's like putting a Tiara on a Turd and expecting anything else than a Turd....
Liberty Counsel should mind its own fucking business. Period. To believe this disgusting woman has standing in any case is beyond unbelievable, and if they base their case on her opinions they are picking the wrong horse.