Brace yourself, because Donald Trump strutted up to the United Nations stage like a man who accidentally walked into the wrong PTA meeting but decided to give a speech anyway. His teleprompter quit on him, which would’ve been a blessing for most politicians, but not for Trump. He doesn’t need a script to sound unhinged. He can freestyle his way right into international embarrassment.
Let’s start with migration. Trump spent half his speech telling Europe they’re basically screwing themselves into oblivion by letting in too many brown folks. “Your countries are going to hell,” he barked, like a drunk uncle who just discovered Fox News two hours before Thanksgiving dinner. His grand wisdom? Stop being nice. That’s it. Forget humanitarian crises, forget families fleeing war—Trump says if you don’t stop strangers you “have nothing in common with,” then your nation’s doomed. Hell, if that logic held water, most of our ancestors never would’ve made it past Ellis Island.
Then came his climate change rant, which was peak Trump performance art. He called it “the greatest con job ever perpetrated on the world.” Buddy, the world is literally on fire, Miami is halfway underwater, and Texas is hotter than Satan’s taint—but yeah, the real scam is solar panels. According to Trump, green energy isn’t about saving the planet, it’s about sneaky foreigners getting rich while America, poor ol’ us, is left holding a Tesla. He actually said climate scientists are “stupid people.” This from the guy who once suggested nuking hurricanes.
When it came to Ukraine and Gaza, the man who swore he’d end wars in “24 hours” had… let’s just say, less than 24 coherent seconds to spare. He waved it off during the speech, then turned around later and posted on Truth Social that Ukraine could “WIN it all back.” That’s like me refusing to mow my yard and then bragging about how great my neighbor’s lawn looks.
And of course, Trump never misses a chance to whine about how mean the UN is to him personally. He griped about escalators, teleprompters, and the fact that they didn’t call to congratulate him for “ending seven wars.” Yeah, because when the world thinks of conflict resolution, the first guy on speed dial is definitely Donald J. Trump, Esq., world’s angriest Yelp reviewer.
So, yeah, buckle the fuck up. The man who thinks cows are being hunted to extinction by windmills just gave a masterclass on why the UN has to keep Tylenol in bulk. If his plan was to reassert America’s global leadership, what he really did was remind the world: yep, we still let this guy talk.
Trump just reminded the entire planet why the UN stocks Tylenol by the crate, and we’re the ones bold (and reckless) enough to write it exactly like it is. Closer to the Edge doesn’t tiptoe, doesn’t whisper, and sure as hell doesn’t soften the blows for advertisers. We survive on readers like you. If you want more fearless reporting that skewers power and makes the liars squirm, subscribe and keep the edge sharp.
The only thing missing was Khrushchev's shoe.
as a European, it seems to me as if I'm watching the demise of the once great nation, the US, in cinemascope. Why not everyone walked out of the plenary session during his speech is beyond me.